Reflections on the U.S.A.

The plane is making me very reflective...or maybe its just that I'm so bored and I just can't bring myself to study property. Anywho, lucky for you, you get two posts as a result of my imprisonment on this metal flying machine. I still have at least another 4 and half more hours. Ugh.

Anywho. I thought I might as well as reflect on my time in the U.S. Its been the first time since I've been back since I first left for UCL in September. So a good 7 months or so.

So overall I enjoyed my trip back. It would have been more enjoyable if I didn't have studying for exams hanging over my head but I guess part of me really liked being back in the familiar surroundings. As I mentioned before, the shopping was great. I really liked being home and knowing what brands were good, what weren't, what was crap, etc. And being that I don't have to worry about conversions, things are overall cheaper here.

Then of course there is the food. The food is good good good and not as expensive. And i of course enjoyed the free refills wherever I went. I went to a lot of my favourite places that I've missed and my last night in Chicago I got deep dish pizza. yum. Like its places like Noodles & Co, Chipotle, and Panera that I miss in England. They just don't have places like that..or you sort of do but your paying so much more for stuff that isn't even that fresh.

Therefore, along with that came the fact that there were a LOT of fat people. Everywhere. Like right now. I am currently staring at a very very fat man watching him struggle to get back into his tiny plane seat. ha. chuckle chuckle. God I'm a horrible person.

So after the shopping, and going to my favourite places to eat and driving everywhere, I had DVR and all my favourite channels on TV, I started to wonder why I hated the U.S. so much and I realised everything England was lacking. I was having fun, I had everything I liked. Then I started to watch the news and then I remembered why I could never live in the United States.

Americans are idiots. Massive massive idiots.

I hate the politics, I don't really like the culture. Watching the "news" and hearing what the stupid anchorpeople have to say makes me want to puncture my ear drum.

The general outlook of Americans on the rest of the world is disturbing.

For example..there is all this business with Obama meeting with the Russians to talk about nuclear disarmament. Great right? Um..not according to most U.S. news. They are all talking about how it puts us at risk, how we won't be able to protect ourself..blah blah blah.

UM HELLOOOOOOO. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NUCLEAR WEAPONS WE ACTUALLY HAVE. Apparently the number was something like 1500 bombs more 25 times more powerful than the bombs dropped on hiroshima and nagasaki. like seriously...how many fucking bombs do you think we need to completely annihilate a country. Um...not 1500 that is for sure.

Then there is the issue of..."if someone kills 1,000,000 americans, should we not be able to retaliate?" Um first of all..so many things wrong with this statement. Cutting nuclear weapons by a third is not going to affect your ability to retaliate. Second...yea, it would be absolutely horrific if a million american died...but how does it make it better to kill millions of people in another country? I don't understand the warped logic behind it. civilian lives are civilian lives. there are to be valued whatever country they are in.

Then there was that whole incident with finding out that apache helicopters in Iraq shot on innocent civilians including two cameramen for reuters because they thought they were weapons. Then a van showed up to help the wounded which was carrying two kids, the helicopters then proceeded to shoot mercilessly on the van killing the two children inside. The military's response: "Well it was their fault for bringing kids into a battle". Honestly...it makes me sick. Check out the video if you have time...just listening to the audio is enough to make you hate humanity with a passion.

It was then that I realised that good shopping, cheap/good food, and the Daily Show (only good source of news in the U.S.) are not enough good reasons to want to stay in the U.S.

So here I am..sitting on a plane back to England. I don't know where I will eventually end up (hopefully the Netherlands) but one thing I'm sure of is that I could never permanently go back to the U.S.

Plane Ride Musings

So in my never-ending attempts to avoid studying. I am currently sitting on the plane back to London. Ok when I mean currently, obviously I mean as I'm writing it...by the time you see this I will have hopefully been long off the plane and in your loving arms. Hehe. I think you know who I'm talking about. Or at least I hope you do. Whatever..anyway.

So here I am sitting on the plane. It isn't too crowded so luckily there is an open seat next to me. And luckily there are no babies in the near vicinity. However, before boarding the plane there was this baby that was sitting near me and it just kept staring at me with its creepy baby eyes. WHY BABIES WHY! Why must you follow me. Then of course it started to cry when his mom tried putting him back in his stroller...finally he stopped crying and then stared at me again with his little tear filled baby eyes. God, its so disconcerting. Why do babies creep me out so much? Hm...I couldn't really tell you. Maybe its because I'm getting nearer and nearer to the age where people start expecting me to have one.

Which brings me to my latest Dad story. Now I know I couldn't leave the United States without at least one great Dad story. There have been some good one liners but this was like a neverending monologue which I unfortunately (as I was trapped in the car) had to be party to.

So my dad and I were driving back from somewhere or another and I was looking at myself in the mirror where I discovered more than a couple grey hairs. :( Sad times. I blame stress. What stress, I'm not quite sure about..but its there..and clearly turning my hair grey. Anyway...so I say to my dad

"Daddddyyyyyy. I'm getting grey hairs". I didn't expect him to do anything about it but I thought he could at least be, oh my poor baby, life must be stressful for you. Instead he says

"See Shiva, this is why I think you need to start focusing on finding a nice boy. I think you are in control of your studies enough that you can do both your work and find a nice boy. You know Shiva, that is the problem with our family. We don't age well. We get grey hairs and some of us get bellies..etc"

And I'm sitting there thinking...we don't age well??? Are you kidding. Christ..yeah my brother might have had salt and pepper hair by the time he was 25..but that can be fixed with dye. As far as getting fat, that can be overcome by a simple eating disorder..or exercise or whatever. But as far as ageing goes..my family looks amazing. My dad definitely does not look 75, my sister does not look 50 and my brother doesn't look (or act) like he is 40. But whatever, he of course continued

"Shiva, as a woman, your beauty comes first. If you don't have that, I worry you might not be able to find someone"

You might think my dad sounds ridiculously shallow. You are probably right.

"You know Shiva, I want you to be able to take care of yourself but I also want you to have someone that will be able to take care of you and make sure you have everything you need"

While part of me would love to just marry rich and have a guy take care of me..part of me is also just like..um no. Honestly I think it all comes down to my sister and her failed marriage which totally screwed her. Oops.

Then he says this..and this I think was my favourite part of the whole conversation.

"You know Shiva, I don't really like foreigners. I don't think they are very good"

I'm sitting there thinking..um..dad WE ARE FOREIGNERS. As if recognising my confusion he then proceeds to say

"There are no better men that Iranian men. They share your culture, they know your background..blah blah blah"

So I'm trying very hard not to laugh. Part of my attraction to tall blonde hair blue eyed men I think comes, not from the fact that I am actually a Nazi, but the subconscious need to not end up with anyone remotely Iranian in personality. Now don't get me wrong. I love my dad and he has a lot of admirable qualities and in some ways I would be lucky if the guy I ended up with had the loyalty and hardworkingness of my dad. However. do I want a guy who says people must accept his will, tells his daughters they won't be nice to look at if they don't exercise, etc. Um yeah no thank you. Now..Iranian women..great..iranian men...ugh.

Anywho...I try to explain to my dad that HIS culture is really not the same as MY culture. Yes, I am Persian and that is part of my background. It is important to me and I value my history..but does that mean that deep down I am at heart a real Iranian in nature and mentality. No, probably not. While I'm still not completely sure what my mindset is based on, I can tell you that I would not completely fit into the Iranian mentality and culture. Which is why I would probably never end up with an Iranian. Sorry dad.

So as if I didn't think this conversation could get any worse my dad proceeds to launch into

"You know Shiva, I have given up on your brother, and your sister can't anymore, but I would like grandchildren"

Christ. Um yeah sure Dad...let me just get right on that. I didn't have the heart to tell him I probably wasn't planning on having kids till I was like 30...provided I was even married by then.

The whole conversation left me feeling a little bit stressed. I know I'm only 22 and I should not have to worry about marriage and definitely not kids...It would sort of be nice to be in a steady relationship...just to prove that maybe I'm not so completely annoying that someone might actually love me. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe. But you know what really isn't too much to ask? Why can't JUST ONCE I get to sit next to a really fit guy when flying. I mean come on. pleaassseeee. just for my own personal entertainment. I was boarding the flight and there was this fit guy and so I just silently hoped he would be next to me. I get on the plane, am sitting in my seat. Fit boy is walking down the aisle...I'm sitting there thinking "please sit next to me please sit next to me" but does he? Alas. No.

Ugh I really do hate flying. I know its irrational to think the plane is going to crash. But I can't help it. I've always been a rather anxious person. And lately has been no exception. I'm not sure if its the stress of having to leave my dad (which I always feel sad about, despite the fact that he is legit crazy) or the fact that I have to go back to London and face exams that might just crush my very soul. I don't know what it is but all I know is that I feel very uneasy.

One thing I do know is I think it will be really good to be back in London so I can sort of reattach myself to life in London instead my U.S. life.

Life at Home

So life at home has had its ups and down. On one hand, I have done a great deal of shopping and a lot of it was paid for by my sister. So that's nice. On the other hand, being home certainly has its downs. For one. I get absolutely no work done here. Why is this you might ask. Well other than my natural tendencies towards procrastination and avoidance, my dad is home.

Now being home with my dad has some ups and downs. On one hand, my dad always manages to come out with these gems of quotes which I then entertain people with using an accent that probably sounds nothing like him. On the other hand, my dad is legitimately crazy and he sort of has this "You will bend to my will or else" mentality. Honesty if I had 5 dollars for every time my dad told me he was cutting me off, I probably wouldn't have to worry about him cutting me off. I honestly think my dad is still bitter that I didn't become a doctor. He denies this, but I know it is the case. I blame the fact that he is old and clearly getting senile. The bright side of him getting older is that the length of time he stays mad at me after our arguments seems to be decreasing.

So one thing I learned about my dad was that he hates hates hates red lipstick. At my cousins wedding I was all dressed in a nice dress etc and I wore red lipstick. I see my dad, the first thing he says to me is "What is wrong with your face. You don't even look human"...um...thanks Dad.

Another little gem from my dad...He asks me if I'm going to the gym... I say yes...he says "good..otherwise you won't be nice to look at". Again...thanks Dad.

So my plans for going to the gym all the time didn't work out so much either.. sort of like going to the library all the time didn't work out. This is because every day since I got back from San Diego my dad would proceed to wake me up at 8 am by screaming at me. Great. Then I would have to spend the day either helping him with his tax shit or ended up driving him places so there would go my day. By the time we got home I just wasn't in the mood to go to the library and studying at home just means constantly getting interrupted by him needing help with random shit. So yeah. studying didn't work out so well. and as far as the gym goes. well that was i guess a combination of him not letting me go when i needed to and me being to lazy to go later.

I did actually go for a swim when I was home which is usually nice because the gym and pool are almost always really quiet. so i finish my swim and i'm ready to relax in the whirlpool for a bit. I'm really enjoying my calm peaceful serenity when a dad brings his two toddlers in....agghhhh. The dad...who is considerably fat, then proceeds to take off his shirt to expose his hairy chest. The kids of course are screaming. Now, if there are two things I hate...it is screaming children and fat men with hairy chests. Then as if things couldn't get any worse....an old lady comes and sits down in the whirlpool. now..fine. it is a public place. I can not be upset when people want to also enjoy it. But, it is a large whirlpool..where does she sit but TWO FEET AWAY FROM ME! Why????? So, children, hairy fat people, and old people way to close to me. I was less than thrilled.

I am now reaching the point where I am done with being home. Being with my dad is always a catch 22. I am generally miserable most of the time i'm around him but I feel guilty when I don't spend time with him. Lose lose. However, I've now reached the point where I think I can go back to London and not feel toooo guilty. Plus I've pretty much done all the shopping I can afford now. Nothing here for me in the states anymore.

plus. i hear the ucl library is a pretty happening place. anxious to get back there. even though it means being in the library and never leaving until i actually learn this crap.

Trying this again

So after all the crap with people finding out and people that i never intended on reading my blog reading it, i thought about just giving up on the whole blogging thing. I didn't really see a point to it. I mean all the people that actually read my blog religiously (you know who I am talking about) already knew all the things I wrote about because I would tell you all about it basically as soon as it happened. The blog was for...well I don't actually know what the blog was for, but it seemed to entertain people, and to tell you the truth, it entertained me. Except for the times when I reread it knowing that the object of my writings had just read it, leaving me with a feeling of complete mortification, generally I like rereading what i wrote. Most of you don't know (and never will know) about the blog I had in Amsterdam. But sometimes when I'm bored, I like rereading that blog and its funny to see how different I was 2 years ago and what was going through my mind. I think it would be fun to do the same thing in another 2 years when I look back on my first year times in London. That is why I'm not going to stop.

Now, that being said, I do think perhaps I should change the way I write just a little bit. When I thought my blog was safe from those I didn't want to see it, I was a little bit more free in my naming of people and perhaps a little less censored on the stories themselves. That clearly backfired on me. as someone who I had named directly read it. Now, I see his point that it perhaps was a bit embarrassing for him to read what I had written about it..but christ..if it was embarrassing or unpleasant for him..imagine how I felt knowing he had read it! Especially when the feelings I had when I wrote the original post were no longer there.

Anywho...so for myself and the people who for god knows why, like reading about my life. I will continue blogging. Other than my friends however, I will not name anyone specifically and for those of you who don't know who I'm talking about. You will just have to have fun guessing. It might be a little more boring now that I am trying to write in a way that I wouldn't mind so much if it got out to all of UCL Law again but we'll see how it goes.


Well I suppose thats it for now. To all my london lovelies. Good luck with revision. I will be back to you all soon.


xxx
Shiva