Plane Ride Musings

So in my never-ending attempts to avoid studying. I am currently sitting on the plane back to London. Ok when I mean currently, obviously I mean as I'm writing it...by the time you see this I will have hopefully been long off the plane and in your loving arms. Hehe. I think you know who I'm talking about. Or at least I hope you do. Whatever..anyway.

So here I am sitting on the plane. It isn't too crowded so luckily there is an open seat next to me. And luckily there are no babies in the near vicinity. However, before boarding the plane there was this baby that was sitting near me and it just kept staring at me with its creepy baby eyes. WHY BABIES WHY! Why must you follow me. Then of course it started to cry when his mom tried putting him back in his stroller...finally he stopped crying and then stared at me again with his little tear filled baby eyes. God, its so disconcerting. Why do babies creep me out so much? Hm...I couldn't really tell you. Maybe its because I'm getting nearer and nearer to the age where people start expecting me to have one.

Which brings me to my latest Dad story. Now I know I couldn't leave the United States without at least one great Dad story. There have been some good one liners but this was like a neverending monologue which I unfortunately (as I was trapped in the car) had to be party to.

So my dad and I were driving back from somewhere or another and I was looking at myself in the mirror where I discovered more than a couple grey hairs. :( Sad times. I blame stress. What stress, I'm not quite sure about..but its there..and clearly turning my hair grey. Anyway...so I say to my dad

"Daddddyyyyyy. I'm getting grey hairs". I didn't expect him to do anything about it but I thought he could at least be, oh my poor baby, life must be stressful for you. Instead he says

"See Shiva, this is why I think you need to start focusing on finding a nice boy. I think you are in control of your studies enough that you can do both your work and find a nice boy. You know Shiva, that is the problem with our family. We don't age well. We get grey hairs and some of us get bellies..etc"

And I'm sitting there thinking...we don't age well??? Are you kidding. Christ..yeah my brother might have had salt and pepper hair by the time he was 25..but that can be fixed with dye. As far as getting fat, that can be overcome by a simple eating disorder..or exercise or whatever. But as far as ageing goes..my family looks amazing. My dad definitely does not look 75, my sister does not look 50 and my brother doesn't look (or act) like he is 40. But whatever, he of course continued

"Shiva, as a woman, your beauty comes first. If you don't have that, I worry you might not be able to find someone"

You might think my dad sounds ridiculously shallow. You are probably right.

"You know Shiva, I want you to be able to take care of yourself but I also want you to have someone that will be able to take care of you and make sure you have everything you need"

While part of me would love to just marry rich and have a guy take care of me..part of me is also just like..um no. Honestly I think it all comes down to my sister and her failed marriage which totally screwed her. Oops.

Then he says this..and this I think was my favourite part of the whole conversation.

"You know Shiva, I don't really like foreigners. I don't think they are very good"

I'm sitting there thinking..um..dad WE ARE FOREIGNERS. As if recognising my confusion he then proceeds to say

"There are no better men that Iranian men. They share your culture, they know your background..blah blah blah"

So I'm trying very hard not to laugh. Part of my attraction to tall blonde hair blue eyed men I think comes, not from the fact that I am actually a Nazi, but the subconscious need to not end up with anyone remotely Iranian in personality. Now don't get me wrong. I love my dad and he has a lot of admirable qualities and in some ways I would be lucky if the guy I ended up with had the loyalty and hardworkingness of my dad. However. do I want a guy who says people must accept his will, tells his daughters they won't be nice to look at if they don't exercise, etc. Um yeah no thank you. Now..Iranian women..great..iranian men...ugh.

Anywho...I try to explain to my dad that HIS culture is really not the same as MY culture. Yes, I am Persian and that is part of my background. It is important to me and I value my history..but does that mean that deep down I am at heart a real Iranian in nature and mentality. No, probably not. While I'm still not completely sure what my mindset is based on, I can tell you that I would not completely fit into the Iranian mentality and culture. Which is why I would probably never end up with an Iranian. Sorry dad.

So as if I didn't think this conversation could get any worse my dad proceeds to launch into

"You know Shiva, I have given up on your brother, and your sister can't anymore, but I would like grandchildren"

Christ. Um yeah sure Dad...let me just get right on that. I didn't have the heart to tell him I probably wasn't planning on having kids till I was like 30...provided I was even married by then.

The whole conversation left me feeling a little bit stressed. I know I'm only 22 and I should not have to worry about marriage and definitely not kids...It would sort of be nice to be in a steady relationship...just to prove that maybe I'm not so completely annoying that someone might actually love me. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe. But you know what really isn't too much to ask? Why can't JUST ONCE I get to sit next to a really fit guy when flying. I mean come on. pleaassseeee. just for my own personal entertainment. I was boarding the flight and there was this fit guy and so I just silently hoped he would be next to me. I get on the plane, am sitting in my seat. Fit boy is walking down the aisle...I'm sitting there thinking "please sit next to me please sit next to me" but does he? Alas. No.

Ugh I really do hate flying. I know its irrational to think the plane is going to crash. But I can't help it. I've always been a rather anxious person. And lately has been no exception. I'm not sure if its the stress of having to leave my dad (which I always feel sad about, despite the fact that he is legit crazy) or the fact that I have to go back to London and face exams that might just crush my very soul. I don't know what it is but all I know is that I feel very uneasy.

One thing I do know is I think it will be really good to be back in London so I can sort of reattach myself to life in London instead my U.S. life.